halffizzbin:

sinsensory:

I know it will surprise you, but I have a lot of feelings about Derek Hale: Secret Virgin.

Because Derek’s not really a virgin. What he and Kate did, what he and Jennifer did, that can count as sex. He looked it up online. The website he found said that you could even think of kissing as having sex, if you wanted it to.

He is still sort of a virgin, though, because none of it was the kind of sex that he daydreams about. When he’s jerking off, he thinks about pushing into someone’s mouth, or putting his mouth on someone else. He sucks on two of his fingers or licks at the seam of them when they’re pressed together, and thinks *it would be like this, it would be something like this*.

The problem is that he has no idea how to get to a place where he would get to do that. Obviously he could just go out and find someone to fuck at a club. He’s flirted with people, and he knows he could probably buy someone a drink and get them to come home with him. But he doesn’t really want a one-night stand. And even if the one-night stand turned into something more— how does he know that they’re not evil? He doesn’t want a replay of his previous relationships.

Which is really the saddest part of Derek Hale: Secret Virgin — he doesn’t know how to meet someone who’s a) into a long-term relationship, b) not an evil murderer, and c) won’t die in a bloody scene that involves at least one of his family members.

He does try one speed dating event, but it doesn’t go well. Life in the Hellmouth Beacon Hills being what it is, “doesn’t go well” means “ends in a war with dark elves.” Maybe even worse than that, no one he likes ranks him high on their cards. This is probably mostly because he has to wolf out and claw a dark elf to death, but Derek knows that it’s also because they can all see how— how weird he is, how kind of twisted and small he is inside, how he can’t even figure out how to date someone.

Jerking off ought to be enough. It’s not all that different to do things with other people, and he knows his body really well, he has fantasies all built up in his head. Sex with another person would probably just be awkward — just in general, but especially if he nearly cries again, he still winces thinking about how understanding Jennifer was — and not worth it, in the end. Especially when they inevitably attempt to kill him and raise a horde of demons or whatever.

(And of course he can’t tell anyone in the pack about it— he’s already an outsider, a weirdo, and they all think that he must be sexually experienced.  He wants to impress Scott, make him proud, he can’t tell him that he doesn’t even know how to date.)

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME DO YOU UDNERSTAND